You are never too old to upgrade your phone, or use it to bank, book a flight, play a game, or any other kind of black magic.

Technology, like music, is a skill - perhaps even a language in itself. 

Learning a language is significantly easier in childhood than in adulthood because neuroplasticity decreases as we age. The younger; the better - Dutch, Germans and Scandinavians speak near-flawless English because they learn it from an early age. Those who start learning after age 10 struggle to become fluent. A person who migrates to another country after the age of 12 will retain their native accent - Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jackie Chan, and Sofia Vergara, for example. Our ability to learn a new language diminishes as we age, becoming very difficult after age 30. But not impossible.

I know plenty of people in their 50's/60's that grew up doing everything analog; on pen and paper, yet are remarkably competent with technology. Those who worked in the financial sector, for example, had no choice but to become proficient in Excel, email, mobile banking, video conferencing, and in some cases, artificial intelligence or blockchain - all at the tail-end of their careers.

There are many things - skills and experiences - that we put off because we foolishly assume that we'll be better equipped for them in the future - when we're older, less energetic, enthusiastic, resilient, flexible, and socially connected. Perhaps we think it's not worth the short-term pain that comes with sucking at something, or, worst of all, we think we're not capable. Either way, there's something to the notion of front-loading our learning rather than putting it off until later in life, because skills compound, lessons learned serve us for longer, and memories enrich the remainder of our lives.

In the case of technology, which permeates every aspect of modern life, you risk getting left behind, which only makes the catching up process more arduous. It's unfortunate, but undeniable: to lack basic technological literacy in 2024 is to sacrifice a degree of your independence, akin to living in a foreign country and without knowing any of the language.

Picking up technological proficiency later in life may seem like a formidable pursuit, but examples of older professionals rapidly adapting to new technologies proves that becoming adept with new "languages" can be achieved at any age. While full fluency and expertise may be quite difficult to attain as we age, that does not excuse an unwillingness to grasp the basics. A willingness to learn, plus a touch of patience, is all you need to start bridging the digital divide and empowering yourself in our increasingly tech-driven world.

You might be too old for skinny ripped jeans, but you're never too old to download an app. So stop putting it off. Speaking from experience - as a teacher of sorts - you'll wish you'd done it sooner, and you'll wonder what on earth you were so worried about!

Stop installing apps that "clean" your phone.

Don't get it dirty in the first place, and don't trust the app with a little blue rocket or broom icon that promises to remove junk and speed up your system for free - as if they've figured out how to optimise your operating system better than the people who developed it.

That's not to say that all third-party antivirus and optimisation programs and extensions are useless - just that we see them creating a lot more problems than solutions for our customers.

Here's what to do instead:

> Keep your device updated to the latest software version to keep it running smoothly and protected against malware.

> Keep your built-in protection (e.g Windows Defender) turned on.

> Use two-factor authentication and an encrypted password manager.

> Use common sense: Don't click on dodgy links or grant permissions to sites you don't trust.

> Be very cautious and selective with who and what you're paying for online.

> If your device gets compromised, don't rely on SpeedyCleanPro to fix all of your problems. Change your passwords, run a virus scan, contact your bank, light a candle and pray.

> If your device is slow, it's probably because the hard drive or battery has degraded, the storage is 99% full, or it's simply too old for the job.

> It's your device with your data on it. It's your responsibility to manage the storage and delete anything you don't need or want.

Technology is complex, the internet is vast, and hackers are smart. If you use a phone or computer, you are exposed to some degree, and they'll get you eventually. But if you wash your hands, eat healthy, and avoid kissing sick people, you won't get too ill too often.

Modern devices are pretty good at looking after themselves. You must be cautious and deliberate when doing anything which alters your default settings. If you don't understand what you're doing, stop.

If all of this is over your head or you've gotten yourself in a bit of a pickle, just pop down and see us. Unlike the stupid cleaning apps, we can't supercharge your device's performance by 9000%, and we're not free (with ads), but we know what we're doing and we just want to help.

There's light at the end of the month. The Spring Equinox is two weeks today. The clocks go forward 11 days later, on the 31st. Boys of today will never know the embarrassment of missing morning kick-off because their phone alarms adjust automatically.

To get us in the mood for our favourite celestial event, we're talking 'bout moons.

The technology used in the Apollo moon landing in 1969 was cutting-edge for its time but relatively basic compared to today's standards. The Apollo Guidance Computer weighed 30 kilograms, and had 36 kilobytes of RAM, 32 kilobytes of storage and operated at a processing speed of 0.043 megahertz.

In contrast, modern mobile phones weigh 170 grams, have 12 GB of RAM (349,525 times greater), 1 Terabyte of storage (33,554,432 times larger), and a processing speed of 3300 megahertz (76744 times faster).

But are they as capable as they claim to be?

You see some pretty cool shots of the night sky from Google's Night Sight and Samsung's Space Zoom camera modes (pictured). Turns out Samsung's moon shots, used to advertise their phones, are about as controversial as the Apollo moon landing.

A Reddit user exposed the authenticity of Samsung's moon photos. While acknowledging that the images are not outright fabrications, the author contends that they are not entirely genuine either. To support their argument, the author conducted an experiment using a downsized and digitally blurred moon image, demonstrating that Samsung's AI model adds craters and details where there was intentionally no detail to begin with; essentially photoshopping the image to make it look cooler. This finding has been backed up by other photographers.

Samsung's marketing is deceptive, as the moon pictures are enhanced by AI rather than the optics themselves. Does it change how you feel about the photo, or how you perceive the technology? For us, it's a tad discouraging.

You can't get away with a fake photo in 2024, yet people are still working to disprove an entire space mission from 1969.

But why take a photo when you can just go?

In a 2019 survey, Britons were asked if they'd embark on an all-expenses paid trip to the moon with a guaranteed safe return. The responses revealed a divided sentiment, as 43% expressed interest in undertaking the trip, while 48% said they would straight-up decline the opportunity.

But how many of them are riding to the moon on crypto?

Digital currencies, such as Bitcoin, are having a resurgence after a 2-year slump. As of 2024, 11% of Brits (approximately 5.6 million people) have invested in cryptocurrency. 71% say they have no intention of ever buying cryptocurrency. Two-thirds of investors are men, which aligns with males' increased tendency to make risky investments.

But you're gonna need more than your little Coinbase account to get off this planet.

A 90-minute trip via Branson's Virgin Galactic or Bezos' Blue Origin will set you back $250,000 (£197,000). Alternatively, you can fly in style to the International Space Station via Musk's Space X, for a very reasonable $60 million, where you can stay for up to 30 days at $35,000 per night. A penthouse suite in Las Vegas is only a modest flex these days.